Mental Health

I grew up being what I thought was "shy". I actually had really bad anxiety and it got worse the older I got. I'll never forget the one moment in my life when I said to myself " something isn't normal". I was too scared to tell anyone what I was feeling for fear of them not believing me. I lived like this for years, and years, and years. One day my doctor asked me if everything was ok, if I was feeling ok. I ended up telling her how I felt, and we discussed medication and therapy. My Mom is against taking any kind of medication, but you know what, i'm an adult now. I had no idea my Dad suffered with being bi-polar. He had been put on medication a few years before that and was getting good results. The more I talked to him, the more I realized that we were so alike. It was amazing to have someone who really understands you and has started the journey already. They can tell you what to expect and what not to expect. I remember one thing he said to me "I waited until I was 50 to get help, please get help now." I agreed to start a medication called Lexapro. My first anti-depressant. It was amazing when it kicked in because each day I would wake up and the sun would be a little brighter, and having more hope. It was amazing but terrifying at the same time. I was worried the meds would turn me into something i'm not. I know that is the number one problem most people face with going on medication. If you find the right one, you will be you, only better. I was on Lexapro a few years, gained some weight, and it wasn't working so great anymore. I switched to Prozac, and I swear, my anxiety is pretty much gone, and i'm hardly ever depressed. I love life now and I see the beauty in things, in people. I started getting interested in my hobbies again. Reading, writing, music, sports.

I wish everyone could get the results that i've gotten with an anti-depressant. Going on the pill was a bitch, side effects and all of that, but it was worth it. I'd go through it all again. Therapy only lasted a little while because it was hard. It might be the hardest thing i've ever done. Things got very deep and I was thinking of things I haven't thought of in a long time. I do need to go back, to get it all out. Get some self-esteem back.

I love that I found a bunch of people on twitter who have the same problems as me, and we can all share and comfort. @blueoctober helps me through my toughest days and makes the good days better. I hope everyone has something that inspires them. There is hope. Don't let go.

xoxo,
Meg